Dayna May's husband has been gone so long that one of her six children asked her recently if "daddy had moved out?"

The deployment of thousands of part-time soldiers to Iraq has placed an enormous burden on families left behind, transforming two-parent families into single-parent families at a stroke.

But what has angered military wives and relatives and reportedly depressed the morale of the National Guard and reservists in the region, is the news that Pentagon chiefs expect these "citizen soldiers" to serve at least 12 months overseas.

The news first became public two weeks ago but is only slowly filtering down to the rank and file, with many family members in the United States still uncertain about exactly when they can expect to be reunited with their loved ones.

Members of the 129th Transportation Company, an Army Reserve unit from Kansas, were told this month their tour of duty would last 16 months and could extend to two years, according to relatives.

"They are pretty discouraged right now," said Laurie Hay, a mother-of-five, whose husband, Bruce, is a driver.

The news prompted the wives and partners of a dozen of the men in the unit to draw up a petition calling for reservists to be brought home after a 12-month tour of duty.

"The reserve system is not designed to supplement the military for such an extended period of time," wrote the women on a website (www.129bringthemhome.com) where they posted the petition.

Traditionally, the Guard and Reserve were weekend warriors who trained every fourth weekend and two full weeks a year and could be counted on to help out during an emergency or natural disaster.

But since the September 11 terror attacks, they have been called upon to reinforce law enforcement agencies at home and bolster the ranks of regular troops in Afghanistan and Iraq.

And while their expertise in areas such as road and bridge building, medical care, psychology, air traffic control and chemical weapons response doesn't put them directly in harm's way, they are nevertheless among the casualties of Iraq's ongoing guerrilla war.

Unofficial Pentagon figures show that 46 of the 292 fatalities of Operation Iraqi Freedom have been reservists.

Marion Buonocore, whose 25-year-old daughter is serving with a National Guard unit in Baghdad, finds the almost daily news reports of US casualties too disturbing to watch.

"It's too depressing," said the 48-year-old from Waterbury, Connecticut, who is highly critical of the US government's decision to lean so heavily on part-time soldiers in its mission to rebuild Iraq.

"I think it stinks to get part-time soldiers to do the job of a full-time soldeir," she said. "Iraq doesn't want them over there, so bring them home. If they don't want the help, let them do it their own way."

Her daughter, a paramedic with the 143rd Military Police company in Baghdad, may have signed up voluntarily to serve Uncle Sam, but that's a moot point with Buonocore.

"I'm a mum. I want my kid home, and I want her home safe."

Meanwhile, the long separation is weighing heavily on many couples, like Dayna and Philip May of Pinellas Park, Florida.

Highschool sweethearts, the couple have been married 18 years and this is their longest separation to date.

"The longest deployment he had previously was 17 days," said May, 37. "This will be the first time in 12 years he hasn't coached little league football (for junior children), and he says he can't miss another birthday.

"He's very depressed. He's lost 35 lbs."

She concedes she is "bitter" that the responsibility of holding the family together has fallen entirely on her in her husband's absence -- she has had to take a temporary leave of absence from her job as a credit analyst because of her additional childcare duties.

But she doesn't forsee her husband, a computer engineer with the 320th Military Police Company in An Nasiryah, Iraq, quitting the Reserves any time soon, in part because of pension considerations.

"He has 18 years in. He will stay in."

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